Last night I babysat for two funny little boys. Alex who is 7 and Carson who is five. After dinner they really wanted to play poker and I tried to barter with them. "Ok we'll play one hand." Playing any game with these boys always ends with them crying, fighting, or burning the house down. They say, "No! Ten!" I'm like, "Uh, no. Two." This goes on for awhile and they decide they just want to play for an hour. I tell them that we'll just play until I win all their chips. They agree. Suckers.
We're playing Texas Hold'em style. Everything they know they've learned from their mom and watching the World Series of Poker on TV. First I deal them two cards each. Alex is older, he totally gets it. Carson however....is just an idiot. Me: "Carson don't show anyone your cards" He tells us he has a queen and a five. I deal him two new cards. Me: "Now Carson, you have to keep these cards secret. Don't tell anyone what you have." Repeat. Third try. "Carson! Don't show anyone your cards!" He leans underneath the table and whispers very loudly to himself, "Carson! You have a king and a eight! Shhhhh!" Ok, that'll do.
First hand. Alex does not understand that when you get your cards you don't say, "Ohhhh AHHHH! AH MAN!" I explain, "You ever heard the term poker face?" Carson is in the background singing, "P-P-P-Poker face..." I have a pair of jacks. I win the pot.
Second hand. Have you ever seen a five year old tap the table and with complete composure and seriousness say, "I call." AH-freakin-DORABLE. I have a flush so I went all in. Alex goes all in too. We both had flushes....so I had to break his heart because mine was king high. All his chips gone. He was pissed. But I told him not to worry. I was about to win all of Carson's chips too. Remain calm.
Third hand. What's the point of playing cards with a five year old? They don't know the rules. They don't even know how to win the game. This, I take advantage of. Now I have a straight. (Wow, not even trying, I'm playing really good tonight!) I go all in, Carson goes all in. So I actually won pretty legit. I win all in fifteen minutes. Bwahaha! Bedtime!