Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Oh Danny Boy

On the 15th of December, 2009 my adorable baby nephew Daniel Wesley Heineman was born. My brother and his wife knew there would be
complications when Daniel arrived so all my family drove down to Arizona for a few days for the chance to meet him while he was alive. He was born with a few deformities which, honestly, only made him a million times cuter. I am so grateful I was even able to meet him for a few minutes at the hospital. This is a hard time of year for my brother and his wife. I know trials make us stronger but I truly hope I never have to go through anything like what they've been through. I'm kind of happy being a wuss. He was named Danny because the song Danny Boy is my dad and also my sister in law Afton's mom's favorite song. How's that for a tear jerker? Danny went back to Heaven on New Year's Eve 2009. Families are together forever so I say see ya later lil buddy.

Monday, December 13, 2010

*Cough, Cough*

I honestly can't help myself. I need to post this. I was just reading through and stumbled across this doctrine in the gospel library...and I quote,

"The honeymoon ought to be a time when the partners learn about one another’s minds, emotions, bodies, and spirits. It is not a time for sexual excess. It is not a fling of worldly diversions that is scheduled between the temple wedding ceremony and a return to serious living."

My reaction went something like this:


Did they just contradict the definition of a honeymoon?!

Sorry. I'll go now.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

What the?! Can we say "What the"?

I'm pretty sure I can count all of the times in my life I've ever said a swear word. Curse words just aren't in my vocabulary. This is definitely a Mormon thing. We're supposed to keep our language clean. But take a bishop's interview out of the equation, then anything goes. Right?

And in case you were wondering...the title of this blog comes from my friend Paige McGuire's little brother Mitchell when he was not sure if "What the" was a swear word or not.

A few months ago the 10 year old girl I babysit asked if I ever swear and I said nope. I couldn't really explain why. The best thing I could think of is that people who swear just don't have a very creative vocabulary. That brings me to the subject of my sister Bethany. She's taught me that when you prick yourself with a needle it's better to scream out the most ridiculous exclamations and just make yourself laugh. Example: Once Beth slammed her fingers in a drawer and without any hesitation she yelled, "OWIE-HEADS!" Laughter ensued.

The same principal applies to road rage. If I'm mad at traffic I'd rather just say things that don't really make sense and make myself laugh to lighten the situation instead of screaming and making baby Jesus cry. Because the cars can't hear you so what difference does it make? Like the other night I was driving with Bethany and the intersection went through an entire rotation of lights without giving me a green arrow! Bull crap! So I started plotting. "Oh traffic light...I will kill you. I will kill your children. I will dance on the graves of your relatives."...and so on.

What gave me the idea to right this whole blog today was an incident from a couple nights ago. I was putting the house key into the handle and it pinched me! Now, when something is really, really painful I say a word that I made up but is still so close to swearing that it appeases my hurt. (Reader discretion is advised.)

Fudge Mucker.

But that's not what I said the other night. It could NOT have been more of an accident, honestly.

That was the second time...mhhh...Well, actually there was this day in 2008. I was working at a summer camp in Massachusetts and I got into a lot of trouble. Let me emphasis A LOT of trouble. Wow. You would've thought I had a buy one get ten free coupon for the F word.

This is a picture of the exact place in which the swears took place. The scene of the crime.

Anyway, I'd really like to hear anyone else who doesn't like swearing and their reasons. Because really, the children are the future.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


No. I am not pregnant.

Let's get that straight. But I almost feel like I'm a pregnant woman prepping. I do all the things expecting mothers do. I'm a little crazy. I'm completely and in no way knocked up. I don't know who this child to the right is but I love him. Just planning for when I am with child is fun and yes, can make me extremely baby hungry. I don't know if "baby hungry" is a Mormon term or something but it just means I sometimes sob myself to sleep because my womb is barren. Not to be confused with the "baby hungry" some cannibals are familiar with.

So when I say I act like a pregnant woman prepping I mean I have done all of the following:

-I've purchased and read five whole books on babies this summer. Nurture Shock, Your Best Birth, Baby Catcher, Parenthood by Proxy, and The Good Housekeeping Illustrated Book of Pregnancy & Baby Care. All of which I highly recommend.

-I've picked out all my children's names. I collect baby names. They are my hobby. I actually should just blog about baby names from now on. I belong to baby name forums. I don't have children. But names can be so interesting. I have my first two girls names locked in Deal or No Deal style. These names are concrete. A day doesn't go by without me talking about a new name or asking Aaron's opinion on such. I'll just write a blog later about that because it's my passion.

-I've research diaper prices. I don't have kids! Who does that?! I need help. I'm still in a debate whether to go with cloth or good old Costco brand. I'm so close some days when I see a really good deal on baby clothes to buy them or take people's handy-downs but I must resist.

-I've planned how I'm going to tell people I'm having a baby. Well, I know how I'm telling facebook at least. And my friends on missions. Telling my husband...I still need the perfect idea. I have time.

-I know who my midwife is going to be. I know where I'm having my baby and who's going to be there. I know how much it costs to have a baby start to finish with a midwife clinic.

-I read nursery design blogs and have sooOOooo many ideas for how I want to decorate. If I had a spare bedroom it would've been ready for a baby like six months ago. I've subscribed to a few on facebook and such and get emailed new design ideas hourly. I've even already made some art to hang on my baby's wall. One with the girl's name on it and one with a boy's name on it, pending what I'll have first. This is totally my dirty little secret so feel privileged I'm sharing it with you.

-I have been a nanny long enough to know that you don't need 80 percent of the stuff that you think you'd need. Women just want a lot of stuff and having a baby is a good excuse to get it. You don't need the adorable diaper bag. A backpack will do. (Even though diaper bags can be suuuuper cute.) You don't need the Diaper Genie. A garbage can or even just a grocery sack you take outside every night will do. That's what one family I worked for did. They didn't even have a changing table. We would just lay the baby on their bed over a puppy piddle pad. All of these money saving ideas and more, I have thought of and planned in detail.

Perhaps I should seek help.

Friday, December 3, 2010


What is my life...a sit-com?

My dear sister won tickets to the David Archuleta Christmas concert with the Mo Tab for December 19th, 9:30am. Of course, I'm overjoyed.

However, I married this man. Aaron is his name. And the day I married him was December 18th. And all would be well and good except my sister has to drive down from Logan for the concert the night before. But that's my anniversary! -And my husband wants to spend time with me or something! Apparently I'm adorable and he loves me.

David or Aaron.

Aaron or David.

David or Aaron.

It seems I've got two dates for the prom!...Figuratively. WWMBD?! (What would Marcia Brady do?!)