Thursday, January 27, 2011


I just got a call from the Husband and Wife store. I sent in my resume on Monday and they said they liked it and were looking for someone to work from 11 to 5:30. Yeah, uncool. I work at my nanny job from 2:30 to 5:30 Monday-Friday! Boo. I had to turn down the only job I've ever wanted! F. M. L.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Confession. Chapter Three.

My latest secret pleasure is the following music video. At first I said, "What is this crap?! What the lame?" But I have since conceded. It's like my drug. I see it on my youtube page under recently viewed and I try to resist it. I say to myself, "Carah, you've seen this video everyday for the past week! There is nothing new! Move on with your life!" But like the drug that it is, the pull is just too strong. I am obsessive compulsive and I have to watch this video every day. If I was a crying baby and you played this I would be hushed. It soothes me. And I'm a strange, strange person.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Lookie What We Have Here

In my course to find another job I found that a certain store is opening in Murry and is hiring. A certain Mormon sex shop. It just is the job I'm meant to do. Details to follow.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

This Too Shall Pass

Look at what the power of positive thinking has gotten me! My stone passed today! It was honestly a lot smaller than I expected. You think that something that causes you so much pain will be the size of a baby but you would be wrong. It's more like a grape nut. Three millimeters. I did have to go home from work early today because my urinary tract infection was really bothering me though. So once I get rid of that and these medical bills looming over my head I'll be good as new!

P.S. I realize that my last post about what brings me happiness included a sad tale of a impoverished African nation. My sister Bethany made fun of me. But no, it does not make me happy. Just one of the many interesting movies I have seen this week. Hush up, Beth.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Jolly Good

Enough about sadness. Allow me to share what makes me happy.

New bedding.

I got this for Christmas and it makes me too happy I can't fall asleep at night. New pillows, sheets...everything! This was so, so overdue. Aaron and I had been sleeping with the blanket I was born on. So yeah...It was old. But it was always a favorite. Maybe my children will be born on this someday.

He has been taking care of me. He even gets me a glass of water when I don't want to leave the bed or pick up the phone or speak louder than normal so I message him on facebook. But the best part is that I made him grow out a mustache for a week and a half while I've been sick. It's made me incredibly happy, words cannot express.


Well, technically Netflix. I could be homeless and I'd still never cancel my Netflix. I've sat in bed watching many good films this week. I watched "Waiting for Guffman" again for the hundredth time. It has the most quiet, brilliant, hilarity of any movie I've seen. It makes me so uncontrollably happy.

I watched the documentary "Without The King". It's about the country of Swaziland that has the world's last remaining absolute monarchy. That's what made me want to watch it so badly! How fascinating. And I can honestly say that form of government where the people have no rights or freedoms and the king can do whatever he wants then still collect taxes from the people is the worst form of government ever created. The people don't even have access to clean drinking water! Communism is better! Anarchy is better! Swaziland even has the lowest life expectancy of any place on earth! 31! THIRTY. ONE. And half it's people die of AIDS. Craziness. The king doesn't really do anything. However, he bought a 25 million dollar jet for himself. The country only has just over a million people in it so that's 23 dollars from every person when they already live off of like 30 cents a day. Just insanity. Really interesting movie though.

I also love historical dramas, period piece films, etc. If it's set in England AND takes place before the 20th century AND the women wear big pretty dresses AND it's based on a true story AND there's some kind of love affair taking place...oh, count me in! I watched an old favorite, "The Other Boleyn Girl", on Sunday. Oh my gosh, then add in my favorite actress, Natalie Portman, are you kidding me?! Destined to be a favorite. Love that movie. Then last night watched "The Duchess", starring Kiera Knightly. Never saw it before. Loved it. I just heart movies.

Then my life changed when I watched the documentary, "Tapped", on Netflix. It's about the bottled water industry and the plastics that are used to carry our water do not biodegrade and ruin everyone's lives. I started recycling IMMEDIATELY. I learned so much. I'm never throwing out plastic again. It's like what the BP oil spill did to our southern coast is what everyone is doing with plastic (aka oil) to our landfills and oceans EVERYWHERE!

Aaaaaand I've watched A LOT of The Ricky Gervais Show. Which really should be called the Karl Pilkington show cause he is the only reason they have a show. He's just an idiot that says the funniest things.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand thanks to those who read this blog and comment and give me happiness in my cold, cold heart. Much love.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


I am mad. I hate everything. I hate Redbox for making me waste 4.50 on a stupid dvd that doesn't work. Which is really just a testament to how poor I am because I also hate hospital bills that I'll be paying off for the rest of my life. I hate how messy my house is when I'm too sick to clean it. I hate how everyone treats me like I'm an idiot. Most of all I hate this stupid freaking kidney stone. I hate how I can't be productive and go to work and they have to cover for me every day and I feel bad. I hate how I'm stuck in this house always feeling so sick and can't get back to my normal life. I hate how it's given me a million other ailments that I now have to deal with like heartburn every freaking second of the day and a stupid freaking urinary tract infection. I hate this kidney stone so much. It's the cause of all my anger and frustration. I hate everything.

Love, Carah

Monday, January 10, 2011

Wanna Trade Kidneys?

No take backs!

Here it is, Monday the tenth of January, five days after this whole kidney stone debacle started and not much progress has been made. I haven't passed the stone. I don't even know if it is passable or when it might be passed. I did, however, look in my journal from my last kidney stone and found out it took me nine days to pass that one.
Un. Cool.

Thursday I had off of work to recover and thankfully I had zero kidney pain all day. Just an enormous head-ache that lasted far too long. Friday I wanted to show I was responsible and took my job seriously so even though I didn't have to, I went to work anyway. Go me. Aaron was also headlining at the comedy club and I was opening for him. It was really fun to get out of the house and make people laugh. I loved it.

Then Saturday came along. Deeeeath. And Sunday. More deeeeath. Those were miserable days. My mom came up from Provo to do reflexology on my feet and help in my general well being. She's been very dedicated to making me better and I appreciate her efforts greatly.

We were lucky enough to get an emergency appointment with the University of Utah student health clinic today. I was down to my last two Percocets so I had to, if for no other reason, get to a doctor quick to get another prescription. They ran a urine test and we found out I have white blood cells in my urine. That supposedly means somewhere in my body I am fighting an infection...which adds even more trouble to my situation. I also have to go in for a CAT scan tomorrow so see what this stone is up to...which reminds me, do you have a couple thousand dollars I can borrow? Yeah. Whathecrap. Being alive is expensive. I'm so desperate for a pet I was hoping when they said "cat scan" it had something to do with an adorably furry and precious animal. I was wrong.

I am very thankful we were able to get that appointment today. Waiting for the doctor to call me back was miserable though. I took my last pain killers but they hadn't kicked in yet so I was sobbing in misery for forever. Finally, I got a shot of Toradol in my hip which is supposed to take down the inflammation of my kidney and knock out any pain for a few hours. Mhhh. Me likes. It's made me kind of high or drunk or something great like that. I say what's on my mind and it entertains me. After they drew blood from my arm and wrapped it I wasn't able to bend my arm and I said to the nurse, "Hey! But now I can't do the robot!" Haha. But still worse, after I walked out of the office there were a bunch of people having a meeting in the waiting room and I said, "What is this? An AA meeting?!" I was unwelcome.

As I was laying on the bed in the clinic today in so much discomfort I couldn't help but wish to be done. Be done with life. I couldn't see how living through this much pain could ever be worth it. The only thought that got me through it was imagining being a mommy someday. Especially soon. When I told Aaron how I was so done with living he said to just picture getting to hold our baby girl in my arms one day! Good job Aaron. Playing a girl's emotional maternal card. Well done. What I'm really hoping is that God is testing me and giving me this huge trial right now to let me have a baby soon. Like, "Ok you passed the kidney stone test. Here's your infant." Yeah, that's about the only way this all could ever be worth it.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Take Me Now, Lord

On Tuesday at approximately 7:00pm I arrived at the home of Sarah and Jamie Christensen. I note a minor pain in my abdomen, believed to be menstrual craps. After all, I have been on my period since November third and some cramping now and then would be expected.

After watching a movie and engaging in much hilarity with the Christensen sisters, I arrived at the Heineman family abode around 11:30pm. I foolishly locked my keys in my car. Already not feeling well, I had to lay down underneath the car to look for a hide-a-key that didn't exist. Wanting to go home and be in my own bed, I gave my dad a foot massage and he called AAA to come by and open my car. I drove hope merrily.

Even though I was incredibly tired, I stayed up talking with Aaron until 2:30am, at which time I fell asleep. When 3:30am came along I knew a series of unfortunate events was upon me. I woke up thinking my cramps had just gotten worse. Then I realize...Oh, no. It's too bad for cramps. It's a kidney stone.

I had another horrific kidney stone experience in June of 2008. A few days after I arrived to work at Camp Romaca in Hinsdale, Massachusetts I woke up and had a very similar pain in my lower back and abdomen. I had started my period that day and thought I had encountered more menstrual cramps. When I woke up at 4:30am I couldn't stop throwing up just from the sheer pain. I was lucky enough to have a lot of caring and helpful girls there that heard me keening in pain on the bathroom floor and got out of bed to assist me. Off to the hospital I went and one priesthood blessing from a couple missionaries later, ba-da-bing-ba-da-boom, I was good as new.

I tell this story because so much of what I went through yesterday relates to my first kidney stone experience. After I diagnosed myself I ran to the medicine cabinet to find the last Percocet I had kept in case I ever found myself with a kidney stone again. I knew from my last visit to the hospital in Massachusetts that a hospital bill would be close to $3,000. I did not want to go through that again. So I tried taking a hot bath and swallowing any pain killers I had at home. Aaron drove to the store to get apple cider vinegar and lemons that he read online where a quick home remedy. I also drank a mouth full of olive oil. That was unpleasant! I felt relaxed for a little while but it wasn't long before I had to get out of the tub. It was a vicious cycle of pain. Then that pain forced me to throw up and up with that came all my pain pills, repeat.

Aaron and I had already agreed that I wouldn't be going to the hospital but that agreement was before I couldn't stop heaving and wanted to die. I had enough. And just in time for me to not have to drink vinegar straight from the bottle! I put on my clothes and with great hast we drove to the University Hospital.

Having a kidney stone makes you reevaluate your whole life. As long as child birth is only 60% as painful, I will have children. Anywhere actually close to a kidney stone, sorry Carah and Aaron Jr. No dice. While wailing in pain I tried to think of anything I could have done that would make God think this was a good idea for me. Like, "Carah wants to have children naturally. Let me show her that's a terrible idea." Or, "Carah hasn't been reading her scriptures. Let me send her a message that the second book of Thessalonians should never be ignored!"

In the hospital there was a lot of waiting. I think the emergency wings of hospitals shouldn't even have waiting rooms. I'm there because it's an emergency. Hence the name of the door I came through. Take me in the back, lay be on a gurney, shout things like, "We're losing her doc!" and say "STAT!" at the end of all your sentences. But no. We are handed a clipboard. Can't you see I'm dyin' here! Jeez!

I'm finally taken to my long awaited gurney and an IV is set up in my arm. This nice doctor lady comes in and asks me all the doctorly question...speaking of which, I wish all the doctors and nurses would coordinate with each other cause I had to tell the same answers to like 50 different people. The doctor was worried that I'd been on my period for over two months so she asked if they could do a vaginal exam. I'm like WTF. "Can I get some pain meds first?" Um, these doctors are not so smart. Then they wanted to set up a catheter to get a clean urine sample to test if I was pregnant. Again, "Can I get some pain meds first? Please?" The girl screaming in agony would like to forgo the doctors poking around her vagina and jump right to the morphine for her kidney stone, the most painful physical ailment known to man!

I was actually pretty seriously pissed at the staff for not getting me drugs quicker. Like, if you have an order to get me some morphine and you need to go to the supply closet could you at least jog or something? Because really, from the time I got to the hospital to the time I was pumped full of sweet, sweet narcotics it was a freaking long time.

Two milligrams of morphine. No effect. They waited five minutes. Two milligrams more. No effect. I'm throwing up from the pain that is still ever present in my body. Four milligrams. Small effect. I throw up again. Except it's really more a dry heave of sadness and anger. Now don't laugh....I peed the bed. That's how hard my body was heaving. Now don't throw up...I started my period. Now don't stop reading...Aaron was with me through all of this just being the most supportive husband I could possibly ask for. He even took off my urine soaked pants. What a man.

Just like my kidney stone before, my body was so exhausted that I couldn't even stand on my own. It's so miserable. It's amazing how much a non-life threatening illness will make you wish it was a life threatening illness. At least then it might end. I finally got some better drugs and anti-nausea medication. I couldn't sleep very well, nor could Aaron sitting in a chair so around 1pm I tried to check out. By that time, however, I was so pumped full of drugs that I wouldn't walk, heck, I couldn't even keep my head up or my eyelids high enough for me to see. The one step from the wheelchair to the car I nearly fell on the ground!

Walking from our car into our apartment was Hell. I had to stop three separate times to heave on the sidewalk. A hair tie really would have come in handy that day. I got inside, stripped off my clothes and collapsed into bed. My parents came over last night right as I was waking up from my six hour nap. When you're ill, there's nobody like your mommy to kiss your boo boos.

I haven't been in any kidney pain today, surprisingly. I'm supposed to pee into a strainer to catch the stone and since I'm drinking water nonstop that's about thrice and hour. Have you ever had to push to pee? Usually I just say, "Release!" to my body and it does it's thing. But now there's a little thorny stone in the way and I have to push and grunt to pee! Well, I'll leave you with that mental image. Thanks for reading my long and unpleasant story. Much love, Carah.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Mouths of Babes

This was a great Christmas. Aaron, me, my dad and mom all drove down to Gilbert, Arizona (AKA Mesa) for the holiday. I love my family. Which is a weird thing to say cause my family is not very lovey-dovey. A typical Christmas growing up with my brothers and sisters would usually include things like, "Nice present, loser. You're really thoughtful. Not!" But this Christmas with my brother's family was so much fun.

My niece and nephew are so much older and wiser than when I saw them last year! When I spend time with kids whose parents have taught them all the good gospel principles I really understand the whole, "Be like the little children" thing. Autumn is 4 and Jake is 5 and they blow me away with how much they know about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Simple when they are going to church and they see people who aren't at church they just say, "Oh, they don't know about Jesus yet." What an adorably simple way to think of it. No need to judge. They just don't know what we know yet. And after all, Mother Teresa has taught us that "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!