No take backs!
Here it is, Monday the tenth of January, five days after this whole kidney stone debacle started and not much progress has been made. I haven't passed the stone. I don't even know if it is passable or when it might be passed. I did, however, look in my journal from my last kidney stone and found out it took me nine days to pass that one.
Thursday I had off of work to recover and thankfully I had zero kidney pain all day. Just an enormous head-ache that lasted far too long. Friday I wanted to show I was responsible and took my job seriously so even though I didn't have to, I went to work anyway. Go me. Aaron was also headlining at the comedy club and I was opening for him. It was really fun to get out of the house and make people laugh. I loved it.
Then Saturday came along. Deeeeath. And Sunday. More deeeeath. Those were miserable days. My mom came up from Provo to do reflexology on my feet and help in my general well being. She's been very dedicated to making me better and I appreciate her efforts greatly.
We were lucky enough to get an emergency appointment with the University of Utah student health clinic today. I was down to my last two Percocets so I had to, if for no other reason, get to a doctor quick to get another prescription. They ran a urine test and we found out I have white blood cells in my urine. That supposedly means somewhere in my body I am fighting an infection...which adds even more trouble to my situation. I also have to go in for a CAT scan tomorrow so see what this stone is up to...which reminds me, do you have a couple thousand dollars I can borrow? Yeah. Whathecrap. Being alive is expensive. I'm so desperate for a pet I was hoping when they said "cat scan" it had something to do with an adorably furry and precious animal. I was wrong.
I am very thankful we were able to get that appointment today. Waiting for the doctor to call me back was miserable though. I took my last pain killers but they hadn't kicked in yet so I was sobbing in misery for forever. Finally, I got a shot of Toradol in my hip which is supposed to take down the inflammation of my kidney and knock out any pain for a few hours. Mhhh. Me likes. It's made me kind of high or drunk or something great like that. I say what's on my mind and it entertains me. After they drew blood from my arm and wrapped it I wasn't able to bend my arm and I said to the nurse, "Hey! But now I can't do the robot!" Haha. But still worse, after I walked out of the office there were a bunch of people having a meeting in the waiting room and I said, "What is this? An AA meeting?!" I was unwelcome.
As I was laying on the bed in the clinic today in so much discomfort I couldn't help but wish to be done. Be done with life. I couldn't see how living through this much pain could ever be worth it. The only thought that got me through it was imagining being a mommy someday. Especially soon. When I told Aaron how I was so done with living he said to just picture getting to hold our baby girl in my arms one day! Good job Aaron. Playing a girl's emotional maternal card. Well done. What I'm really hoping is that God is testing me and giving me this huge trial right now to let me have a baby soon. Like, "Ok you passed the kidney stone test. Here's your infant." Yeah, that's about the only way this all could ever be worth it.